I Suppose I Had To Have It Eventually

I didn't want to purchase a 4-pack of the stuff. What if it sucked? Then I'd be left throwing 3.5 of them down the drain. But I finally found one on its own in the wild, and like a hungry cheetah circling a lonely gazelle, I snapped it up before I would never see it again. The following are my scribbled notes.

Budweiser Chelada - Budweiser and Clamato Juice (note: clamato juice is tomato and clam juice)
Appearance: big, foamy and pink, very hazy; tomato-y reside on the sides of the glass; thick and viscous, like pus that oozes out of a week-old sore
Aroma: an alarming spritz of tomato, followed by the faint smell of celery and salty water
Flavor: very hard to figure out what this tastes like; not really tomato, a slight gag reflex, and carbonated water
Body: thick and long lasting - the taste won't go away ... please make it stop
Drinkability: no.
Summary: no.

I have consumed some pretty terrible drinks in my day. I've had my mouth washed out with dishwashing liquid. And nothing, I repeat, nothing, is worse than brussel sprout Jones soda. This has got to be one of illest advised travesties of the "beer" universe. I hesitate to even call it beer. I can't fathom a scenario where this drink would quench my thirst. I can't envision the events that would unfold that would cause me to pause and say "You know, this would be enhanced by a Budweiser and some clamato juice." I immediately think, well, bloody marys are good on Sunday mornings after a long night of drinking; but this is far too muted of a flavor to serve that purpose, and the strange carbonation and fizziness of the thing wouldn't really settle a stomach.

In fact, short of losing a bet, I struggle to comprehend why a person would mix clamato juice and beer in the first place. I think simple genetics prevents me from appreciating clamato juice, although I can understand it. But mixing it with Budweiser, or any beer for that matter? Why? Who looks at a can of clamato juice and a can of Budweiser and says: "You know? I'll bet these two would go really well together." But, apparently there is at least some precedence for this bastard mixology.

I was speaking with a friend from the Tomah area as I was getting ready to drink this (and trust, there was a lot of internal confidence boosting going on to get ready to drink this), and, I asked her if she had had this particular beer before. Suprisingly (maybe, maybe not, if you've met this friend of mine), she admited that not only had she had it, but she'd had the Bud Light version as well. She didn't like either of them. And, I kid you not, she said "I prefer just to mix clamato juice and beer from separate cans, it tastes much better." This is an astounding revelation! Finally someone from this foreign culture that created, or at least enjoys, this Frankenstein's monster of a drink! So, I enquired further. Where did you get the idea to mix these two things? "Oh, my dad and brothers have been doing it for years on camping trips." What? Really?

Who the hell takes clamato juice camping!?

A Bounty

I am offering a bounty for anyone who can honestly claim that they like "Miller Chill" or "Bud Chelada". This includes people in the "target demographic" (hispanics and females). I have yet to meet anyone who actually likes either drink. Yet, the success of Chill is all the talk at Miller; it passed 350,000 barrels in mid-October. [cite] Even despite "Miller Chill [being] priced as a worthmore, not a “regular brand.”" [cite] (by the way, priced as a "worthmore"? Who talks like that?!) Yet, let's look at some reviews of Miller Chill from around the web; we'll throw "miller chill review" into the ol' Google-o-tron:

Beer Advocate ("Pardon me, but just what the f--- is this?")
more from Beer Advocate ("a beer for people that don't like beer. It actually tastes like a really bad diet soda.")
Opinionated Beer Page ("It is unspeakably foul and in a vomit-green bottle to boot.")
Tallahassee.com ("I can’t imagine buying it ...")
Slashfood (comment: "it tastes like urine from a dehydrated person. water is vastly superior.")
Cat Dirt Sez (comment: "nay. it is truly, truly terrible.")
Realbeer.com (comment: "I wouldnt know from experience but I bet it tastes like it has passed through a goat." - although to be fair, this site, inexplicably, has a number of "positive" reviews, but as one of the comments points out "Just wanted to point out that real people do not all say marketing stuff like “this is a great summer beer” or “so refreshing”. It is sad when you have to put fake replys to sell a terrible product!")
And, seriously, if this is the best Miller can find to support its product, it should re-evaluate itself.

And that's just the first ten hits off google. My own experience with Miller Chill (served at Lambeau Field no less!) was less than positive, and I have yet to speak to a single person who actually likes this stuff. Yet, in speaking with local distributors, it flies off shelves. Who is buying this stuff? If you have bought a six-pack or greater of this stuff AND enjoyed it, please comment here. You need not post your name, this is purely an intellectual exercise; but I am truly interested in knowing who is drinking this stuff and why you like it.

I know, Miller Chill has been out for almost a year, why bring this up now? Well, apparently this stuff is so "great", that Anheuser-Busch is making one now. Probably to mix with the Bud Chelada product that is clamato and beer. And, an extra bounty if anyone can bring to me a single person who ever, EVER, had beer with tomato and clam juice prior to Anheuser-Busch putting one in a can.