I Suppose I Had To Have It Eventually

I didn't want to purchase a 4-pack of the stuff. What if it sucked? Then I'd be left throwing 3.5 of them down the drain. But I finally found one on its own in the wild, and like a hungry cheetah circling a lonely gazelle, I snapped it up before I would never see it again. The following are my scribbled notes.

Budweiser Chelada - Budweiser and Clamato Juice (note: clamato juice is tomato and clam juice)
Appearance: big, foamy and pink, very hazy; tomato-y reside on the sides of the glass; thick and viscous, like pus that oozes out of a week-old sore
Aroma: an alarming spritz of tomato, followed by the faint smell of celery and salty water
Flavor: very hard to figure out what this tastes like; not really tomato, a slight gag reflex, and carbonated water
Body: thick and long lasting - the taste won't go away ... please make it stop
Drinkability: no.
Summary: no.

I have consumed some pretty terrible drinks in my day. I've had my mouth washed out with dishwashing liquid. And nothing, I repeat, nothing, is worse than brussel sprout Jones soda. This has got to be one of illest advised travesties of the "beer" universe. I hesitate to even call it beer. I can't fathom a scenario where this drink would quench my thirst. I can't envision the events that would unfold that would cause me to pause and say "You know, this would be enhanced by a Budweiser and some clamato juice." I immediately think, well, bloody marys are good on Sunday mornings after a long night of drinking; but this is far too muted of a flavor to serve that purpose, and the strange carbonation and fizziness of the thing wouldn't really settle a stomach.

In fact, short of losing a bet, I struggle to comprehend why a person would mix clamato juice and beer in the first place. I think simple genetics prevents me from appreciating clamato juice, although I can understand it. But mixing it with Budweiser, or any beer for that matter? Why? Who looks at a can of clamato juice and a can of Budweiser and says: "You know? I'll bet these two would go really well together." But, apparently there is at least some precedence for this bastard mixology.

I was speaking with a friend from the Tomah area as I was getting ready to drink this (and trust, there was a lot of internal confidence boosting going on to get ready to drink this), and, I asked her if she had had this particular beer before. Suprisingly (maybe, maybe not, if you've met this friend of mine), she admited that not only had she had it, but she'd had the Bud Light version as well. She didn't like either of them. And, I kid you not, she said "I prefer just to mix clamato juice and beer from separate cans, it tastes much better." This is an astounding revelation! Finally someone from this foreign culture that created, or at least enjoys, this Frankenstein's monster of a drink! So, I enquired further. Where did you get the idea to mix these two things? "Oh, my dad and brothers have been doing it for years on camping trips." What? Really?

Who the hell takes clamato juice camping!?

Some Would Say That They Are Trying To Play For Both Teams

The big news last week is that Budweiser, Anheuser-Busch, is soon to release "Budweiser American Ale."

The world may, in fact, be coming to an end.

Indeed, in a new-ish sorta brewery about 50 miles north of Hot-lanta, where the Michelob specialty beers are brewed, A-B, who owns Michelob, is also working on a dunkelweizen (a dark, wheat beer), an Irish red ale, a run-of-the-mill brown ale and, of all things, an American barley wine.

The apocalypse is nigh. The horsemen are getting ready to ride. And my anus is fully dilated with the pigs' head just starting to breach.

The news is making its way through the blog-o-tron.

Some interesting highlights from that coverage:

So who is a Bud Ale aimed at? Just who does A-B think will be the customer for this product? According to an article in last Friday’s St. Louis Post-Dispatch, the target audience is “what A-B’s marketing department calls ‘experimenters’ — drinkers who bounce around among various beers such as Yuengling, Fat Tire, Hoegaarden and Budweiser.”[cite]

Bud American Ale has 5.1 percent alcohol by volume, according to label filings. A-B received approvals for 12-ounce bottles and three sizes of barrels (half, quarter and 1/6).[cite]

the main text says: “Budweiser American Ale defines a new style of ale – The American Ale – created by Anheuser-Busch brewmasters to deliver robust ale taste that’s full-bodied, but not too heavy nor too bitter.” The side text says "Carefully brewed with barley from America's heartland and Cascade hops from the Pacific Northwest, this rich, amber-colored ale has robust flavor, and a distinctive, hoppy finish."[cite]

So, that really says it all. I could make some snarky comments about the impossibility of Bud succeeding in this. How ridiculous the segment of "experimental drinkers" is (really, do you know anyone that 'switches between Yeungling, Hoegaarden, Budweiser and Fat Tire'? I don't. The "experimenters" I know wouldn't touch Budweiser American Ale with your ten foot pole).

What I'd prefer to focus on is the name of this thing: Budweiser American Ale. I think it's deceptive and a terrible trademark. Think about this. How do you order one? "I'll have a Budweiser"? No. "I'll have an American Ale"? No, can't do that either. Lots of breweries make "American Ales" - American Pale Ales, American Amber Ales, American India Pale Ales, etc. And, even if it does become acceptable to order one as an "American Ale" it seems to me that it would dilute the meaning of those various labels listed above for others' uses. Moreover, it erodes the meaning of the phrase. So, what if "American Ale" becomes popular and Bud wants to expand the brand. Now we have the Bud "American Amber Ale"? The Bud "American IPA"? A-B has now absconded with the generic styles through erosion of a quasi-generic phrase.