News From, you know, Around

InBev purchases Anheuser-Busch. St. Louis headquarters will become North American headquarters of Anheuser-Busch InBev. All breweries will stay open. For now. Of course, InBev is famous for slashing payroll and cutting jobs while niche-i-fying every brand. Unfortunately, by sheer fact of being bought out by a global monolith Anheuser Busch loses its niche-defining quality - namely that it is an American beer. Others anxiously wonder what will happen with A-B's marketing team. The buy-out leaves Pabst and Sam Adams to fight over banalities that make each uniquely qualified to lay claim to America's #1 Brewery.

MillerCoors to split baby. A few months back Miller Brewing Company (owned by SABMiller) and Coors agreed to join forces under the US entity MillerCoors. Of course, much blood was spilled debating where the world headquarters of this beast would be. Coors aficiandos argued that Golden, Colorado was the only place that made sense. Miller freaks pointed out that Milwaukee was better suited. Well, the board of MillerCoors has decided that Chicago is the place. The Milwaukee and Golden offices will remain, but administrative positions will be replaced by increased brewing jobs as the breweries in each city will re-tool slightly to brew each other's beer.

Unsurpisingly China produces the most beer. In other news: water is wet. China has 1.321 billion people - good for 20% of the world population. Well, it turns out, China produces 22% of the world's beer. Not surprising given the cost of labor there makes manufacturing less expensive than in Europe or the US. The top four beer producing nations are China, US, Russia and Germany (in that order).

Finally, back in May, the Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that bars can do what the state or municipalities ask them to, even if the bars aren't specifically told to do it. The basic gist was that, based on concerns about drink specials on Friday or Saturday nights contributing to binge drinking in bars near the UW-Madison campus, the state of Wisconsin and city of Madison made it known that may, you know, if ya want, you can stop doing that. No laws. No regulations. Just a vague hint. So, in a move that surprised no one, all of the bars simultaneously got rid of their drink specials. Of course, sensing some collusion, some helpful residents sued the bars for acting anti-competitively. Well, the Wisconsin Supreme Court said, these bars are actually exempt from antitrust liability because the city of Madison said "pretty please" which basically coerced the bars into banding together to screw the customer and do nothing to actually stop binge drinking.

I Suppose I Had To Have It Eventually

I didn't want to purchase a 4-pack of the stuff. What if it sucked? Then I'd be left throwing 3.5 of them down the drain. But I finally found one on its own in the wild, and like a hungry cheetah circling a lonely gazelle, I snapped it up before I would never see it again. The following are my scribbled notes.

Budweiser Chelada - Budweiser and Clamato Juice (note: clamato juice is tomato and clam juice)
Appearance: big, foamy and pink, very hazy; tomato-y reside on the sides of the glass; thick and viscous, like pus that oozes out of a week-old sore
Aroma: an alarming spritz of tomato, followed by the faint smell of celery and salty water
Flavor: very hard to figure out what this tastes like; not really tomato, a slight gag reflex, and carbonated water
Body: thick and long lasting - the taste won't go away ... please make it stop
Drinkability: no.
Summary: no.

I have consumed some pretty terrible drinks in my day. I've had my mouth washed out with dishwashing liquid. And nothing, I repeat, nothing, is worse than brussel sprout Jones soda. This has got to be one of illest advised travesties of the "beer" universe. I hesitate to even call it beer. I can't fathom a scenario where this drink would quench my thirst. I can't envision the events that would unfold that would cause me to pause and say "You know, this would be enhanced by a Budweiser and some clamato juice." I immediately think, well, bloody marys are good on Sunday mornings after a long night of drinking; but this is far too muted of a flavor to serve that purpose, and the strange carbonation and fizziness of the thing wouldn't really settle a stomach.

In fact, short of losing a bet, I struggle to comprehend why a person would mix clamato juice and beer in the first place. I think simple genetics prevents me from appreciating clamato juice, although I can understand it. But mixing it with Budweiser, or any beer for that matter? Why? Who looks at a can of clamato juice and a can of Budweiser and says: "You know? I'll bet these two would go really well together." But, apparently there is at least some precedence for this bastard mixology.

I was speaking with a friend from the Tomah area as I was getting ready to drink this (and trust, there was a lot of internal confidence boosting going on to get ready to drink this), and, I asked her if she had had this particular beer before. Suprisingly (maybe, maybe not, if you've met this friend of mine), she admited that not only had she had it, but she'd had the Bud Light version as well. She didn't like either of them. And, I kid you not, she said "I prefer just to mix clamato juice and beer from separate cans, it tastes much better." This is an astounding revelation! Finally someone from this foreign culture that created, or at least enjoys, this Frankenstein's monster of a drink! So, I enquired further. Where did you get the idea to mix these two things? "Oh, my dad and brothers have been doing it for years on camping trips." What? Really?

Who the hell takes clamato juice camping!?

The Big are Getting Bigger

So, if you're in the brewing or distribution industry, raise your hand. OK, you can put them down. If you're an afficianado, raise your hand. OK, thanks, you can put them down, now. If you've randomly stumbled across this site and will be leaving soon, raise your hand. Oh, already left. Right. Well, not that it matters, I can't see you anyway. I was just trying to gauge whether anyone actually cares about this whole InBev-AB thing.

If you're wondering who "InBev" are and what "AB" is, you can find out here and here, respectively. Needless to say, this aggregation would create the largest brewing entity in the world and the fifth largest consumer products company in the world. The news broke about this beast of a transaction early last week and I've put off commenting about it for now.

But, now it appears that SABMiller is getting in on the action. While Bud is mulling its options, Miller has said they would welcome a "partnership" with InBev [cite, via the omnipresent Brew Blog], and InBev appears to be taking this seriously. It appears that this SAB-InBev move may just be a play to force A-B's hand; surely such a merger would be dark days indeed for Bud. Or at least on an international stage.

And, that's an interesting dilemma for Budweiser; by foregoing this merger, Anheuser-Busch would basically be saying "Damn globalization. We are OK with the American market and we think anything more would dilute our brand. The rigors of being under InBev's bland-marketing thumb would sully our reputation. We have a reputation for quality product and quality service and we are unwilling to compromise that reputation for the prestige of a larger global identity. We are perfectly happy being the number one brewery for the number one country in the world, and we think that's good enough." Because the fact is everytime InBev takes over a brewery, they cut marketing budgets in that organization in favor of a centralized marketing system that emphasizes the niche that each brand can fill. I suspect Budweiser's niche would be the "hard working, beer as sustenance, male" niche. Which, granted, is filled all over the world, not just here in the U.S.

It's funny because I'd never really thought much of Budweiser. I've never really liked Budweiser, and while I went through a brief "Bud Ice" phase, I've mostly been an MGD person for my swill of choice, though lately it's been PBR and/or High Life. But I was talking with an ex-tavern owner over the weekend, and he made an interesting comment. He told this story about a friend of his who had stopped managing his own tavern and took up with the Budweiser distributor. This friend would ride along when the distributor was dropping off the A-B products and would talk to the various tavern owners and managers. The guy would ask how things were going, whether the distributors were treating the tavern owners alright, whether the managers were happy with how the product was selling. Typical tavern chit-chat. And then, three times a year the tavern owner would get a survey from Budweiser asking many of the same things. If anybody marked any response with a "3" or lower (on a 5-point scale) Budweiser would call and ask why; they at least listened like they cared. I thought that was interesting. But what I found most interesting was this: A-B was the only one doing it; not Miller; not Coors; not Pabst. The tavern owner I was talking to said he sold primarily Bud for that very reason; he told the other brewers and distributors that if they would do that, he would be happy to sell, but that alone showed a dedication to customer satisfaction that none of the others seemed interested in pursuing.

Of course, that's hearsay as far as all of you are concerned. But, it does make this point: Budweiser will no longer provide that kind of dedication to customer satisfaction if they are purchased by InBev - and that's a shame.

But that's also a lesson to be learned for all of the craft breweries. It is a way to differentiate yourself. Customer service that the big guys are simply too big to provide. Go on ride-alongs with your distributors and talk with your retailers. Get out to the pubs and talk with the people drinking your beer. Get out to the grocery stores and thank your buyers for purchasing that six-pack. Support your community events. Many of the craft brewers I talk to here in Wisconsin are already doing this and that's why I think we have such a strong and vital brewing industry here. Not only is it a state that has an innate desire to drink local, but it's further ingrained by the breweries here being active in their communities and giving back as much as the communities give to them. The More You Know.

Well, heck, this was kind of an old-school post - it got pretty far from where I thought it would go when I started writing it, but that's alright. This point is perfectly as good as the one I was going to make about the need for small breweries to band together in informal, or formal, organizations and pool resources to help each other where they can. For example, a buying group to buy in bigger bulk to get price discounts and reserved quantities for grains and hops that all of the members need to buy anyway. For example, an advertising group to place general advertising that benefits the group (e.g., "Milk it does a body good." or "Pork, the other white meat." or "Wisconsin craft beer, we aren't just Leinenkugel's anymore.") I'll write some other time about how I'm amazed that the craft breweries aren't doing this stuff.

By the way, sorry for posting a day late - while I was able to get a post up on Monday, the holiday threw off my schedule. See you tomorrow, too!

A Bounty

I am offering a bounty for anyone who can honestly claim that they like "Miller Chill" or "Bud Chelada". This includes people in the "target demographic" (hispanics and females). I have yet to meet anyone who actually likes either drink. Yet, the success of Chill is all the talk at Miller; it passed 350,000 barrels in mid-October. [cite] Even despite "Miller Chill [being] priced as a worthmore, not a “regular brand.”" [cite] (by the way, priced as a "worthmore"? Who talks like that?!) Yet, let's look at some reviews of Miller Chill from around the web; we'll throw "miller chill review" into the ol' Google-o-tron:

Beer Advocate ("Pardon me, but just what the f--- is this?")
more from Beer Advocate ("a beer for people that don't like beer. It actually tastes like a really bad diet soda.")
Opinionated Beer Page ("It is unspeakably foul and in a vomit-green bottle to boot.")
Tallahassee.com ("I can’t imagine buying it ...")
Slashfood (comment: "it tastes like urine from a dehydrated person. water is vastly superior.")
Cat Dirt Sez (comment: "nay. it is truly, truly terrible.")
Realbeer.com (comment: "I wouldnt know from experience but I bet it tastes like it has passed through a goat." - although to be fair, this site, inexplicably, has a number of "positive" reviews, but as one of the comments points out "Just wanted to point out that real people do not all say marketing stuff like “this is a great summer beer” or “so refreshing”. It is sad when you have to put fake replys to sell a terrible product!")
And, seriously, if this is the best Miller can find to support its product, it should re-evaluate itself.

And that's just the first ten hits off google. My own experience with Miller Chill (served at Lambeau Field no less!) was less than positive, and I have yet to speak to a single person who actually likes this stuff. Yet, in speaking with local distributors, it flies off shelves. Who is buying this stuff? If you have bought a six-pack or greater of this stuff AND enjoyed it, please comment here. You need not post your name, this is purely an intellectual exercise; but I am truly interested in knowing who is drinking this stuff and why you like it.

I know, Miller Chill has been out for almost a year, why bring this up now? Well, apparently this stuff is so "great", that Anheuser-Busch is making one now. Probably to mix with the Bud Chelada product that is clamato and beer. And, an extra bounty if anyone can bring to me a single person who ever, EVER, had beer with tomato and clam juice prior to Anheuser-Busch putting one in a can.